query Ask the luser what part of rtfm that he or she does not understand.
Ask what planet the luser is from.
literacy Ask the luser if the luser can read.
english Ask the luser if the luser understands English.
Mac Ask the luser if the luser has ever used a computer other than a Macintosh.
Nintendo Same as the Mac option, but slightly more harsh.
scream Let out a scream of utter frustration.
hair Rip out your hair in total frustration.
rm Automatic command ran in lusers home directory. It can have an addition -rf flag added.
ignore Ignore the luser.
warn Warn the other sysadmins.
forward Forward to CNS advising. Particullary if the complaint is /dev/null is full.
kill Kill all the lusers processes.
FILE=file.name Use a file to define a course of actions. This can be any executeable file except those using ksh, which no god-fearing right-thinking sysadmin would be caught using lest he be struck down by the wrath of God.